What’s the deal with anal sex

The halachic status of anal sex within marriage has been a subject of significant rabbinic debate throughout Jewish history. The mainstream position, as ruled by the Talmud and codified by major poskim (halachic decisors), is that it is technically permitted between husband and wife according to many authorities, though it is discouraged or prohibited by others on moral and health grounds.

Key Takeaways

The Talmud in Nedarim 20b rules that a husband may engage in any sexual act with his wife that they both consent to, rejecting more restrictive opinions.
A minority Talmudic opinion (Yochanan ben Dahavai) prohibited certain acts including anal intercourse, but the majority of rabbis rejected this view.
The Rambam took a more restrictive position, while the Ba'al HaTurim and others were more permissive.
Mutual consent and shalom bayit (marital harmony) are central values that frame all halachic discussion of marital intimacy.
Several later authorities prohibit it outright on grounds of hash-chatat zera (wasting seed) or health concerns.

The Core Talmudic Debate

Nedarim 20b — The Central Source

The primary Talmudic discussion appears in [Nedarim 20b]:

"אֵין הֲלָכָה כְּיוֹחָנָן בֶּן דַּהֲבַאי, אֶלָּא כֹּל מַה שֶּׁאָדָם רוֹצֶה לַעֲשׂוֹת בְּאִשְׁתּוֹ — עוֹשֶׂה" "The halacha does not follow Yochanan ben Dahavai; rather, whatever a man wishes to do with his wife, he may do."

The Gemara uses an analogy: just as meat purchased from a butcher may be prepared in any style — salted, roasted, cooked, or boiled — so too a husband has broad latitude in marital relations.

Who Was Yochanan Ben Dahavai?

Yochanan ben Dahavai claimed that certain sexual acts caused birth defects in children, based on what he said angels told him. He prohibited several acts, which commentators understand to include anal intercourse.

Rabbi Yochanan explicitly rejected this view, ruling that the accepted halacha follows the majority of Sages, not ben Dahavai [Nedarim 20b].

The Rambam's Restrictive View

Maimonides (Rambam) took a notably stricter position. In [Mishneh Torah, Issurei Biah 21:9], he writes that a man should not engage in unnatural intercourse (derech eiver), associating such conduct with licentiousness (pritzut).

The Maggid Mishneh and other commentators note that Rambam may be ruling stringently as a matter of piety (middat chassidut) rather than strict prohibition — meaning it may not be a Torah violation but is nonetheless discouraged.

The More Permissive View — Rabbeinu Tam and the Rishonim

Rabbeinu Tam (12th century Tosafist) and several other Rishonim (early medieval authorities) held that the Talmud's ruling in Nedarim 20b is the operative halacha, and that such acts are technically permitted between consenting spouses.

The Shulchan Arukh [Even HaEzer 25:2], authored by Rav Yosef Karo, states that while "unnatural" intercourse is technically permitted according to some opinions, a person who sanctifies himself (mekadesh atzmo) should refrain from it.

The Issue of Hash-chatat Zera (Wasting Seed)

A major concern raised by later authorities is hash-chatat zera — the prohibition against "wasting" or "destroying" seed, derived from the story of Onan in [Genesis 38:9-10]:

"וְשִׁחֵת אַרְצָה לְבִלְתִּי נְתׇן זֶרַע לְאָחִיו" "And he wasted [his seed] on the ground, so as not to give seed to his brother."

Many Acharonim (later authorities) argue that anal intercourse violates this prohibition since procreation is impossible. Others disagree, distinguishing between deliberate destruction of seed and intercourse in a non-procreative manner with one's wife.

Consent and Shalom Bayit

All authorities agree that mutual consent is an absolute prerequisite. The wife's dignity and comfort — her kavod — is paramount. The Torah obligation of onah (marital intimacy) in [Exodus 21:10] is framed as a right of the wife, not the husband:

"שְׁאֵרָהּ כְּסוּתָהּ וְעֹנָתָהּ לֹא יִגְרָע" "Her food, her clothing, and her conjugal rights — he shall not diminish."

Any act performed against the wife's will is prohibited by all authorities without exception.

Summary of Opinions

| Authority | Position | |---|---| | Yochanan ben Dahavai | Prohibited | | Majority of Talmudic Sages (Nedarim 20b) | Permitted | | Rambam | Discouraged / prohibited as impious | | Rabbeinu Tam / many Rishonim | Technically permitted | | Shulchan Arukh | Permitted but pious to refrain | | Many Acharonim | Prohibited due to hash-chatat zera |

For personal guidance on matters of marital intimacy, consult your local rabbi or posek, ideally one trained in these sensitive areas of halacha.