Remind me clearly what are the restrictions on Tisha Baav for adults and anyone under males under 13 though my son's English birthday is on Tisha baav and hebrew next week

Restrictions on Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av carries five major prohibitions for halachically obligated adults, paralleling Yom Kippur. Children under bar/bat mitzvah age are not obligated in the fast, though they are educated toward it based on their maturity. Mazal Tov on your son's birthday — a special note on that below! 🎂

Key Takeaways

Adults observe five prohibitions: eating/drinking, bathing, anointing, leather shoes, and marital relations.
Torah study is also restricted on Tisha B'Av — a unique stringency not found on Yom Kippur.
Boys under 13 are not obligated to fast, though older children may be trained to fast part of the day.
Your son's Hebrew birthday falling after Tisha B'Av means his actual Jewish birthday celebration is completely free of any restrictions.
The fast begins at sunset the night before and ends at nightfall the following night (~25 hours).

The Five Core Prohibitions for Adults

These are codified in the Shulchan Aruch, Orach Chaim 554:1:

1. 🚫 Eating and Drinking (Achilah v'Shtiyah)

Completely prohibited from sunset to nightfall (~25 hours)
Unlike Yom Kippur, there is no leniency for those who are merely uncomfortable — the standard for medical exemptions is actual danger to health
The ill, elderly, pregnant and nursing women should consult a rabbi, as leniencies may apply

2. 🚫 Bathing (Rechitzah)

Prohibited even cold water
One may wash fingers only upon waking (for cleanliness/prayer), and similarly after using the bathroom
Washing for genuine medical necessity is permitted
One may wash off actual dirt from the body if it causes discomfort

3. 🚫 Anointing (Sichah)

Applying creams, lotions, oils, or deodorant for pleasure or comfort is prohibited
Deodorant for hygiene is a matter of debate among poskim — many permit it
Medicated creams for health purposes are permitted

4. 🚫 Wearing Leather Shoes (Neilat HaSandal)

One must remove leather shoes specifically
Non-leather shoes (rubber, canvas, synthetic) are permitted
This prohibition begins from before nightfall on Erev Tisha B'Av [Shulchan Aruch, OC 553:2]

5. 🚫 Marital Relations (Tashmish HaMita)

Prohibited for the duration of Tisha B'Av
The laws of harchakot (physical distancing between spouses) apply, similar to the Nine Days customs

Additional Restriction: Torah Study 📚

This is unique to Tisha B'Av and does not apply on Yom Kippur:

"It is forbidden to read Torah, Prophets, Writings, Mishnah, Midrash, Gemara, Halacha, or Aggadah — because it is said: 'the statutes of Hashem are upright, they gladden the heart'" [Shulchan Aruch, OC 554:1]

What IS permitted to study:

Sefer Iyov (Job)
Portions of Yirmiyahu (Jeremiah) dealing with destruction (skip consolation verses)
Megilat Eichah (Lamentations) and its commentaries
Midrash Eichah
The chapter Eilu Megalchin (Moed Katan 14b–27b) dealing with mourning laws
Laws of Tisha B'Av itself
The daily order of prayer (Korbanot section)

[Shulchan Aruch, OC 554:1-4]

Additional Customs and Behaviors

| Activity | Status | |---|---| | Sitting on low chair/floor until midday | ✅ Required (mourning custom) | | Wearing Tallit and Tefillin at Shacharit | ❌ Not worn at Shacharit — worn at Mincha instead | | Greeting others with Shalom | ❌ Avoided | | Smiling/frivolity | ❌ Avoided in spirit of mourning | | Working (Melachah) | ⚠️ Customarily avoided until midday | | Watering plants | ✅ Permitted |

👦 Children Under Bar Mitzvah (Under Age 13)

The Mishnah Berurah and standard halachic practice hold:

Young children (roughly under 9–10): No fasting required whatsoever, even partial
Older children (approximately 10–12, depending on maturity and health): Some poskim recommend chinuch (education/training) toward partial fasting
No child should be made to suffer for the fast — health always takes priority
Children are not bound by the other four prohibitions either, though parents should guide them appropriately as they mature

[Mishnah Berurah 550:5, based on principles of chinuch]

🎂 About Your Son's Birthday

Since his Hebrew birthday falls after Tisha B'Av, that date is completely joyous and unrestricted — celebrate fully!

Regarding his English birthday falling on Tisha B'Av itself:

As a child under 13, he has no personal obligation to fast or observe the restrictions
However, out of respect for the day, it would be appropriate to keep any celebration modest and private rather than a large festive party
A small family acknowledgment is perfectly fine
The full celebration can beautifully coincide with his Hebrew birthday the following week — which is actually the more halachically significant date in Jewish tradition anyway!

As the Tur notes, Tisha B'Av is a day when "five calamities befell our ancestors" including the destruction of both Temples [Tur, Orach Chaim 549:1, citing Mishnah Ta'anit 4:6] — so the atmosphere of the day calls for solemnity even for those not formally obligated.

For personal guidance on your son's specific situation, or any medical exemptions from fasting, please consult your local rabbi or posek.